What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
