thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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