please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
