Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
