im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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