Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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