Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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