All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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