my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
