Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
