it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
