I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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