guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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