Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
