Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
