my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
