Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
