i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
