Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
