am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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