wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
