bring money and cleavage
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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