I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish you could order shots online.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
