My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
