Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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