Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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