her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
