some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
