At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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