I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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