So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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