Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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