I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
