can we get nightvision for the apartment?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's the barista slut.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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