Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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