Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
