Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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