Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
