I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
and you fell through a lawn chair
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
