haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
