His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
