it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
