Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
