i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
