I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
