McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
