Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
