If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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