I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wear drunk well.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
