Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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