you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
