She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
