I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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