I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
