Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Farmville is her only friend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
